What Have You Done?
by Naisa
Summary: While Merlin lies awake, praying for the one he loves to come back home, Morgana begins to have doubts about what she and her sister are plotting, and realises what a terrible mistake she has made. Set after series 2, Mergana, two shot. Now complete!
1. Part 1

_This was an idea I came up with that looks at what might have happened if Morgana had ever had doubts about what she was plotting with her sister, and if she thought about the people she had left behind._

_I've got an idea to make this a two-shot, but I thought I'd just put up the first half and see if you think – should I continue it?_

_If anyone wants anything a little more light-hearted, I'm currently working on a series of humorous drabbles, based on random words people send me, feel free to have a read :)_

_Reviews are awesome! :D_

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><p><span>What Have You Done?<span>

"_I, I've been waiting for someone like you,_

_But now you are slipping away._

_Why? Why does fate make us suffer?_

_There's a curse between us._

_Between me and you._

_What have you done?"_

_Within Temptation, What Have You Done?_

Part One

Merlin lay awake, staring at the darkness, as if hoping to see the light of hope flickering in the shadows, to brighten his troubled mind.

Night after night he would stare into the dark, and yet he would see nothing.

In these times, Merlin thought of only one person – Morgana. Two months ago she had disappeared, taken by her sister, Morgause. Everyone saw it as a kidnapping, but they were wrong, it was a rescue. And if it wasn't for Merlin Morgana wouldn't have needed to be rescued; she wouldn't have been dying in his arms. Now she was gone, lost in the dark, and Merlin found that he had torn his own heart into pieces, knowing that if Morgana survives the poison _he _had given her, she would become a new Morgana. A Morgana that would want to destroy Camelot, kill those closest to his heart. But she didn't know the damage that had already been done to Merlin's heart, to his soul, because it was she who he cared for most.

Lying in the dark, Merlin stretched his mind, searching for Morgana. It was possible that she was able to use telepathy, like he and the Druids. If she could then he could talk to her, beg her not to change, beg her to come back because he missed her more than he ever imagined, or just beg for her forgiveness.

But Merlin could find nothing, no sign of Morgana's open mind that he could reach for, talk to. Yet still he cried out in the dark, he cried in his head:

_Please Morgana, please, come back. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Can you hear me? You have to be out there somewhere. I need you to hear me; I need you to come back. Please. I love you._

Morgana thundered down the corridor, rage flashed in her eyes like lighting, and her temper raging like a storm in her head.

She had had an argument with Morgause again, and arguments with her sister were never pretty.

They had been discussing what they were going to do if the people of Camelot did not accept Morgana to be the new Queen, when that time came. If they didn't accept her, their allegiance would still be with Uther, and they could begin a rebellion.

"_If the people will not bow down to you sister, then they will bow their head for the axe."_

_Morgana's eyes narrowed, she had a feeling what her sister meant by this, and she didn't like it. "What do you mean?"_

_Morgause gave a small, sad smile. Although Morgana had a feeling she may just be trying to fool herself into thinking her sister was looking sad about slaughter. She avoided the dark glint of joy in her eyes, because who wants to think the worst of the ones they love?_

"_Those who do not accept you as Queen, do not deserve to live in your Kingdom. We shall execute those who are not loyal."_

_Morgana was shocked by the violent words that her sister spoke. "Surely there must be another way?"_

_Another smile. "The only way to ensure a powerful rule for our new Queen."_

But Morgause didn't understand. She hadn't spent most of her life living beside Uther. How did he become a great and powerful King? By putting hundreds, if not thousands, of people to death. And those people were innocent, some were just children. Morgana had to watch those people lose their lives at the hand of the tyrant King, and vowed to make it stop. But now her sister was telling her that if she became Queen, she would have to do the same thing.

The people who would side with Uther would be fools, yes, but they did not deserve to die because of it. It wasn't right.

Morgana still remembered the piercing, soul-ripping cries of a woman who saw her own son murdered by the hands of Uther. She still remembered Gwen's cries of sorrow and despair as her father's body was taken out of the castle. She would not inflict that sort of pain on her own people. She refused.

As Morgana continued to march through Cenred's castle, unaware of where she was going, knowing that she was trying to burn off all this anger that had bubbled up in her veins, she passed a tall mirror, almost reaching to the ceiling of the grand, dark and gothic corridor.

Morgana froze. She turned back and stared at the mirror.

For a moment she thought she had seen her sister.

It was just a flash out of the corner of her eye, a trick of the mind. But for a few moments Morgana was sure she had seen her sister march past the mirror, only she had dark hair, instead of blond. However when she turned back and looked in the mirror, all she saw was herself, a mixture of anger and fear etched on her face.

She was so sure she had seen Morgause.

Morgana loved her sister, no doubt about it; she couldn't imagine a life without her sister now. But Morgana couldn't deny that what Morgause thought, said and wanted, were dark and destructive. Things that, only a year ago, Morgana would refuse point blank to have any part in. But now she had just so much, she could even fool herself into thinking she was her sister. Was that a good thing?

Morgause wanted to get rid of Uther, make him suffer for all the things that their people had suffered because of him. Fine, nothing wrong with that, in fact Morgana would be happy to see it done. But there were some people that Morgause would harm as well, and through all the training and the planning, Morgana had almost forgotten about them. But she would never ever forget the people that she loved as much of her sister. And as she stood in front of the mirror, staring at her shocked reflection, Morgana realised the damage she would do to them.

There was Gwen. Her best friend, a second sister to her. Morgana had missed her so much, especially when she was first taken away from Camelot. She tried to tell Morgause how she felt, but Morgause would only give her a sad smile and explain that some sacrifices would have to be made.

Those sacrifices were starting to add up.

Gwen had suffered at the hands of Uther. She had almost been executed for being a witch, and her father was murdered at Uther's hand, even when Morgana had tried to save him. And yet the sweet girl didn't want to take revenge on the King. Why not? Because she was a good person, because she believed that she shouldn't stoop as low as him.

Morgana felt the faint stirrings of recognition, she had once thought this, she didn't care how evil magic supposedly was, people didn't deserve to die. Despite the voice of Morgause in her head screaming at her that Uther was more like an animal than a person, Morgana knew he still was human. But for some reason she had decided to sink as low as the tyrant King, and now Gwen was left alone to face Uther, no mistress to try and stop him she ran into trouble again, no one to work for, no friend.

Morgana had sacrificed her best friend.

_What have you done?_ A scathing voice in her head demanded, as tears pricked Morgana's eyes. But Gwen was not the only sacrifice.

What about Arthur? Arthur was like a brother to Morgana, and she had nothing against him. She could see the pain in his eyes whenever Uther gave him a brutal order, and being the King's son, he couldn't say no, and yet he had gone out of his way to save his friends, not caring what the punishment may be at the end of the day. Morgana could tell that one day Arthur would have been a great King, fair and just…but now she was going to steal the Kingdom away from him, and that wasn't fair.

And despite all the arguments they had gone through, Morgana felt a sudden urge to see him again. Arthur would only blame himself for he disappearance, and Morgana wanted to speak to him just one more time, even if it was to tell him not to worry. But if things go to plan, he would have a lot more to worry about. Either that, or he would end up buried in the earth. He didn't deserve such treatment.

The voice in Morgana's head hissed again: _what have you done?_

But there was someone else, someone that Morgana couldn't stop thinking about, and sometimes those thoughts weren't full of hate.

Merlin.

Arthur's sweet caring manservant, someone who Morgana thought she could trust and was a loyal friend to everyone.

Until that fateful day when he changed her life forever.

Morgana could still remember the fear that clenched her chest when she realised that she had been betrayed, that she was dying. She remembered the panic. She couldn't breathe. She disparately tried to suck air into her lungs, but she never got enough, and it slowly got harder and harder. Merlin approached her, saying that he was sorry, but she didn't want to hear his pleas. She tried to fight him off, but her muscles were getting weaker and weaker as the poison seeped through her. She wanted to shout, scream at him, why have you done this to me? What have I done?

She was in so much pain, but not because of the poison.

The memories refreshed the hatred inside Morgana, but not for her sister, for Merlin. She wanted him to pay for what he had done, as much as Uther needed to pay for the suffering he had created.

Merlin was a good person, how could he suddenly turn so cruel?

But over time, when Morgana lay awake at night, thinking of all things that had been done, and were yet to come, another question was beginning to form in her mind.

What if she had deserved it?

Deep down she knew Merlin was a good person, so there must have been a good reason for him to do such a thing. Morgause had told her it was because he was evil and cold-hearted, he was not her friend, but Morgana knew there was more to him than her sister assumed. She remembered when Merlin went back to his home village to save his friends and family from bandits, an evil person wouldn't have done that. Morgana hadn't told Morgause about that journey, she hadn't told anyone how proud she felt of him that he felt a duty to help.

What had changed in Merlin to make him suddenly turn against his friends?

Nothing, it was Morgana who had changed.

She was the one who wanted to take the throne, she was the one who wanted Uther to suffer, she was the one who was miles away, plotting in a castle with her long lost sister to bring devastation on a Kingdom she had once loved.

Merlin was doing none of that, Merlin was probably still serving Arthur, trying to help the ones he loved in any way he could, trying to save the Kingdom whenever it came under attack.

Soon, he would be trying to save Camelot from Morgana.

If Morgana closed her eyes, she could picture it. A blood-soaked battlefield, even the sun had stained the sky red as it set. The only two living people left were her and Merlin, standing in front of each other, hate and anger in their eyes, and at the same time a wonderment of how things could have gone so badly, sorrow that their happiness they shared was now nothing more than a memory.

When Morgana opened her eyes, she only saw herself staring back, a facial expressions a mixture of anger, hate, wonderment and sorrow.

As if she didn't even realise she was doing so, Morgana watched as her reflection opened its mouth and whispered the question that was now screaming in her head:

"What have you done?"

She didn't want any of this, but that wasn't the worst of it, oh no. There was far worse to come in Morgana's thoughts, that made her eyes fill with tears and made her want to turn away from her reflection, as it caused her so much pain and shame.

If she threw away all the anger that she felt for Merlin, burnt it in the flames of her regret that she had left everything behind, she found friendship in her heart, a small spark, just visible through the ashes. But there was still more, she could dig deeper. And as she pulled away the spark of friendship, (keeping it close to her, because it was something she no longer wished to burn) she found something at the bottom of her heart, locked away so she couldn't see it.

Morgana had felt so much more for Merlin from the start. It was his caring nature, it was his bravery, it was his loyalty and his smile that made Morgana smile back, it made her think that perhaps things weren't so bad after all, everything was going to be all right.

And who wasn't to say Merlin didn't regret what he had done? Sometimes, when Morgana lay awake at night, she thought she heard his voice, calling from such a distance it was little more than a desperate whisper.

_I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…please come back…_

When Morgana woke the next day, unsure if what she had heard was a dream or reality, she longed to hear his voice again. She longed to see him again; she just wanted to say she was sorry too.

Slowly, Morgana unlocked the secret that was hidden in her heart.

And found Merlin's heart there.

Shocked by the image Morgana found herself looking at in her mind's eye; she backed away a little from the mirror as if it was that that had given her the image.

But of course, it had always been Merlin's heart. No one else could replace it.

It was then that Morgana suddenly realised with horror, what she had done.

She had thrown away her chance of happiness, she had turned against the one she loved and she would never see his smile again. In agreeing to work with Morgause, she had broken her own heart, and she hadn't even realised.

Morgana stared at her reflection in the mirror, and watched as her face changed from fear to anger. So much anger it seemed to fill the whole reflection, it felt like it was radiating off the walls around her. Heat battered down on her shoulders as more hatred grew in her heart. But it was the person in the mirror that she hated now.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"

Morgana let out the scream of a banshee, running forward and smashing the mirror with her fist. The glass shattered under the power of her anger. It froze in place for a few seconds and then fell into a thousand pieces at her feet. When she looked down Morgana could still see fragments of her reflection, her old life, staring back up at her.

"Morgana?"

Morgana whipped around at the sound of the soft voice, filled with worry. She turned to see Morgause standing beside her, the worry in her voice matching that in her eyes. She suddenly glanced down at Morgana's hand, and her eyes widened.

Morgana looked down just as she felt a sharp stinging pain, and saw blood dripping from her hand, a deep cut had formed in her palm from where she had smashed the mirror.

Morgause stared at her sister, and opened her mouth to say something, but Morgana got there first.

"What have you done?" She sobbed.

But before Morgause could answer, Morgana turned and ran.

Through the darkness and silence of his chamber, Merlin heard a voice. As desperate, sobbing voice as its owner ran out of her prison and through the forest, trying to escape her guilt. Her thoughts running through his mind, calling to him.

_Merlin? Are you out there? I'm so sorry, I didn't realise what I was doing. I need to wake up from this terrible nightmare Merlin, I need you to wake me up. I need you to know that I'm sorry._


	2. Part 2

_Wow, so many reviews for part one! Thank you so much to everyone who gave me a review! :D The fact that you think this story has potential means a lot to me :)_

_A couple of you have suggested that I should make this into a proper story, which is a really nice idea! But at the moment I don't really have any ideas to extend it, I may change my mind, but I think at the moment this story will stay as a two-shot :)_

_Special thanks to Dudeybob who read both parts through for me and gave me advice on how to improve it :)_

_I hope you all enjoy this second part,_ _I just updated it to add a couple of paragraphs near the end, as furin-a and Paladinobr pointed out that there was a little something missing…_

_Please review :)_

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><p><span>What Have You Done?<span>

"_I will not fall_

_Won't let it go,_

_We will be free_

_When it ends."_

_Within Temptation, What Have You Done?_

Part 2

Every raindrop that hit him was like a needle trying to pierce his skin, but he ignored the stinging pain and kept on running. Merlin ran through the darkness, out of Camelot and into the forest, because out there the one he loved was lost, alone and waiting for him.

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><p>She couldn't run any more, she had given up. Morgana sank to the wet ground, rain dripping through her hair. She thought about what she had done. Now she had nothing left, she had no one. It wasn't her tears that trickled down her cheeks, it was just the cold rain; she was too tired to cry.<p>

Morgana leaned against a tree stump and stared into the darkness that surrounded her. All the trees, ominous in the black night, seemed to leaning in towards her, as if nature itself was trying to snatch her up. Despite the huge trees all around her, they did not protect Morgana from the freezing, unending rain.

She didn't know how long she sat there, the wet sinking into her clothes as she sat on a bed of saturated earth and leaves. Every second that passed reminded Morgana how alone she was, and that it was all her fault. If she hadn't turned against the ones she loved, she wouldn't have to be in this position.

Finally, after hours of helpless thoughts and self-pity, exhaustion took over, and Morgana found herself into a restless sleep.

_She was standing in a forest. The same forest, or a different one? Morgana couldn't tell. It was no longer raining, the moon shone down on her, and she wasn't alone. Her sister was with her._

_This was when Morgana realised, this was not a prediction of the future, this was a flashback. For the first time in her life, she was dreaming of the past._

_There was concern on Morgause's face as the two talked. At first the words they spoke were muffled, Morgana couldn't understand them. But then her voice rang clear through the night air, full of hate and carelessness. She would do anything to kill Uther. Morgause placed a hand on her sister's cheek._

_Suddenly the world began spinning, the trees around her becoming a blur, her sister's face disappearing. Everything falling away from her into darkness._

_When Morgana opened her eyes, still in a dream, she found that she had skipped forward time, and was now facing a smirking Cenred, which made her glower. They had passed each other in a corridor of his castle, not long after she had been brought there to recover from the poison, and had just become well enough to get out of bed. They had only met each other once before, a formal introduction from Morgause, she could tell from the start that Cenred would be nothing but a pawn, however his own arrogance convinced himself otherwise._

"_So, this is the lady who almost brought Camelot to its knees."_

_Morgana frowned at him, confused. What was he talking about? She _was going_ to bring Camelot to its knees, but she hadn't _almost _done so. This didn't make sense._

_Cenred saw Morgana's confused look, and he himself looked a little concerned, but then he smiled. "Oh, she didn't tell you?"_

"_Tell me what?" Morgana snapped, he was really beginning to annoy her now._

"_If it wasn't for the poison, Camelot would already be yours."_

_Morgana still didn't understand what this meant. But before she could question him, Cenred had slunk off to another dark part of his castle, leaving Morgana to come to her own conclusion. In the end she that he was just trying to irritate her, and he made no sense because she was tried, it had been a long day._

_Morgana shrugged her shoulders and walked off, her conclusion putting her mind at rest, and she quickly forgot about her strange conversation with Cenred._

_But it was the wrong conclusion._

The sun was just beginning to rise when Merlin found Morgana. It had stopped raining and there was a gold tint to the black sky. The clouds had finally disappeared, but the stars were already gone. Morgana was on her knees, leaning against a tree stump, soaking wet. Her eyes were closed, her skin was deathly pale and she was very still.

For a horrible moment Merlin thought she was dead. He had come too late to save her! But then he saw her chest gently rise and fall. She was still breathing.

Merlin knelt down and put his arms around Morgana. She was freezing cold, so he held her close.

After a few moments, Morgana woke up. At first she was lost, cold and confused. She didn't know what was happening, where she was, if she was still dreaming. But then she felt Merlin's warmth, and forgot about all the hatred she had felt for him for so long, and smiled.

"I knew you would come," she sighed.

"I should never have left you," Merlin whispered, more to himself than to Morgana. He remembered her face, full of horror when she realised he had killed her, and now she was collapsed on the ground, cold and alone. It was all his fault.

Morgana was too exhausted and cold to think about the tint of anger that hid in Merlin's words, she was just relieved that he had found her, she just smiled and closed her eyes. Beneath his arms Morgana sighed again, but as she did so a bone-quaking shiver rocked through her, as if her body had only just realised how freezing it was.

Feeling her shiver, Merlin grew worried. If he had left her in the dark and the rain too long, she could have caught a chill. She needed to warm up.

Merlin looked around, as if expecting to see a thick blanket hanging down from a tree, or a large collection of firewood and a couple of flints sitting near by, but there was nothing. But he didn't have to wander off to find some dry wood, leaving Morgana all alone, he could warm her without even lifting a finger, and why should he hide anything from her now?

"_Ignis_." Merlin muttered, and a bare patch of ground before them ignited into fire, the bright orange flames warming them both.

Morgana's eyes snapped open and she stared at the fire before her, there was no denying what had just happened. But then she sighed and closed her eyes again, leaning against Merlin as she slowly felt herself getting warmer.

"I should have known," she murmured, "I always felt there was a connection between us, I should have known it was magic."

Merlin gave a small smile; he purposefully didn't give himself time to think about what Morgana's reaction could have been at the sight of his magic, she had enough reason to hate him, she didn't need anything else. He should have never kept such a secret from her for so long, especially since they had the same gift, and she was frightened by her powers. But that didn't matter now, she had accepted him for who he was.

The couple sat on the forest floor for over an hour. Morgana wasn't sure if she fell asleep or not during that time, she just drifted in happy oblivion with Merlin at her side, the fire warming her face and drying her clothes.

For the first time in weeks she didn't feel alone.

When Merlin was sure that Morgana was warm enough, he suggested that they started making a move.

Morgana immediately grew worried. "To Camelot?"

"That's where you belong Morgana, I'm taking you home."

But Morgana wasn't convinced. She suddenly felt afraid of going back home, even though sometimes she wished she could be back in her old room, in her old clothes, with her old friends.

She could feel her voice catch as she tried to fight back the tears; "I can't go back there, I can't face Uther, not after what I've done."

Merlin was surprised. "Morgana, you've done nothing to Camelot." Morgana could hear the silent 'yet' in his voice. It wouldn't have been long until she did do something to Camelot if she had stayed with Morgause. "And Uther will be glad to see that you're safe."

Morgana shook her head as she screwed up her eyes, "he doesn't care about me, and I definitely _won't _be glad to see him again!"

"Look at me Morgana," Merlin's voice was suddenly stern, and Morgana managed to drag her eyes to his. "I know how you feel about the King, you may deny it," he said quickly as she opened her mouth, "but it's true. You are not the only one to see Uther's brutality; you're not the only one who lives in fear if he ever found out your deepest secret. I want his reign to end as much as you do, but there is nothing I can do. Arthur is destined to be a great King, but he is not ready to take the throne, we cannot force Camelot into accepting a new King and magic, we must wait until the time is right. I don't know when that will be, but believe me, it is going to be worth the wait, and not worth the kill."

Morgana stared into Merlin's lightning blue eyes, as if transfixed. Inside her head she was battling the words that Morgause had said to her over and over again, and she had believed in them even before they had been said. Uther had to die. He made people with magic suffer; now it was his turn.

But looking into Merlin's eyes, she saw the amount of men that he had killed. He had never spoken of them, she had never even considered it, but in his eyes they were all there. Their last words, their last screams. He never forgot them, and he always regretted what he had done. But he did it because he thought it was right. He had made the tough decision to kill many people before, but he knew that right now it was not Uther's turn to die. Somehow killing Uther wasn't the right thing to do, because even Uther had a soul, there was love at the bottom of his heart too.

"Did you think it was right to kill me?"

The words came out in barely a whisper, before Morgana could think about what she was saying. Immediately Merlin's face became hard as stone, trapping any emotion that could trickle out.

There was a long, horrible silence. Not even the birds were singing as Merlin and Morgana stared into each other's eyes, each waiting for the other to speak, to say something, an explanation, an apology.

Nothing.

Finally, it was Morgana who spoke. She broke her gaze with Merlin, and muttered.

"Perhaps I should go home."

Merlin nodded silently, his features softening. Gently, he lifted Morgana onto her feet, and together they made their way out of the forest towards Camelot.

Because after all, Camelot was her home.

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><p>Gwen was the first person Morgana wanted to see. She couldn't face Uther, and how they were going to explain to Arthur how Merlin had just gone out in the middle of the night and randomly managed to find Morgana they didn't know. She probably needed to see Gaius, as she was still trembling from the cold and looked terribly pale, but Morgana insisted Gwen was the person she wanted to see. Gwen was the first person she saw every morning, and the last person she saw at night. Gwen was the one she laughed with, shared secrets with. Gwen was the person she needed to see.<p>

Gwen was not at work yet, she was still in her house, she had only just got out of bed, changed and had breakfast, oblivious that the person she prayed for every night was about to pay her an unexpected visit. She was clearing away plates and pots at the time, her mind pre-occupied, but was brought back to her senses when she heard a soft knock on the door, and then someone coming in.

A clay pot fell from Gwen's limp hands and smashed to the floor when she who was standing in her doorway.

"My Lady?" Gwen's voice was quiet, full of shock and awe, wondering if she was in a dream, for she had dreamt many times of her friend returning to Camelot once more.

Morgana took one look at her maid, her eyes wide with surprise, but no different than she was the last time they had seen each other, and burst into tears.

There followed a lot of hugging and crying, with Merlin standing uncomfortably in the corner. The two best friends clung to each other as if they were afraid that if they let go, Morgana would disappear into the darkness again.

Gwen was relieved to see her Lady still alive, so relieved she could hardly put it into words. She was beginning to fear that she had been keeping her Lady's chambers tidy and her clothes clean for no reason. But deep down, she knew that she would come back someday. She explained this to Morgana through tears of happiness.

Morgana too was overjoyed to have a true friend with her once again; she had never felt so grateful for Gwen to be by her side. She couldn't believe that she had chosen to leave Camelot and hide away in a dark castle, leaving her friends behind without an explanation.

But then again, she had no choice to leave Camelot in the first place.

After such an emotional few hours of being with her best friend once more, Morgana looked fit to collapse, so Gwen and Merlin took the opportunity while the courtyard was still empty and day had not yet dawned, to take her over the Gaius.

Gaius' reaction to seeing Morgana half walking, half being carried into his chambers was speechless surprise. Like Gwen, he couldn't quite believe his eyes, however he kept control of his emotions of shock and relief, especially when he saw the state that Morgana was in, and instead hurriedly prepared her a sleeping draft to relax her and give her some much needed rest.

Morgana only lay in Merlin's bed, Merlin sitting beside her and holding her hand as she sobbed from exhaustion and pain, for a few minutes, before falling into a peaceful sleep.

Six hours later, Morgana woke up in a warm bed and bright chamber, a stark contrast to the dark and dingy castle she had been living in for the last few months. The first thing she thought about was Merlin. She remembered him sitting beside her, stroking her head, comforting her. Morgana could still feel him beside her when she was asleep, the reassuring feeling that someone she loved was close by, watching over her.

But now she was awake, Merlin was gone.

However, she wasn't alone, and after a few moments Morgana realised that Gaius was standing in the doorway.

"It's a miracle you have come back to us Morgana, I thought we might have lost you forever." Gaius' voice was kind, but Morgana knew when he said 'lost forever' he meant a part of her, not seeing her again.

Morgana sat up slowly in bed, the sun was shining brightly through the window and she could hear the distant noises of people going about their daily life outside. She felt refreshed after a good nights sleep, but a pang of guilt still remained with her.

She smiled weakly at Gaius' gentle, smiling face. "Merlin found me," she explained quietly. "I had run away from Morgause…" Morgana suddenly felt another wave of guilt. She had abandoned her own sister, how could she? But she had made her choice now. "He managed to find me through the dark and bring me back home."

"I am relieved that you have come back to us," Gaius said gently, he knew she didn't want questioning about the details of what happened.

Morgana smiled, but there was something on her mind about Merlin that she couldn't ignore. "Although…" she paused, unsure how to continue. A lump in her throat stopping the much-wanted question from escaping her chest.

Gaius walked over and sat down beside her. He knew that something was wrong, he could see it in her eyes.

"You have nothing to worry about Morgana, you can confide in me. What's troubling your heart?"

Morgana gave a deep sigh, "I know why Merlin isn't here with me now. He knows I'll ask the question, I probably already have, but I don't remember…" the few hours before she fell asleep were a blur and shrouded by mist, she didn't know where her memory ended and dreams began. "But I can't ignore the question forever, I have to find out the truth, if I've done the right thing…" Morgana stopped, it was getting hard to continue again.

But Gaius sat with her in the silence, waiting patiently for her to continue.

Another deep breath, "I want to know why Merlin wanted to kill me, why did he poison me that day? What had I done?"

Gaius thought for a few moments, his brow furrowed, but he wasn't surprised by Morgana's question, he had a feeling it was that that was plaguing her mind, and who could blame her? Merlin was too ashamed to tell her what really happened, and he dreaded the day that he would have to tell Morgana why he did it, so the answer came from a trusted friend instead.

"To bring down Camelot, Morgause cast a spell on you that would keep the curse on Camelot for as long as you were living." Gaius' voice was quiet and solemn as he spoke, and even though it pained him to explain, he knew Morgana had to know the truth. "That is why when everyone around you was falling asleep, you stayed awake, but you didn't know why because Morgause had never explained to you about the spell. Merlin discovered that to save Camelot was to sacrifice you, there was no other way."

Morgana stared down at her hands, "he chose Camelot over me," she whispered.

"I'm sorry."

Morgana looked up into the old man's sad eyes. "No, don't be sorry. Merlin did the right thing. It would have been selfish of him to choose me over Camelot. I always knew he was a good man."

Because all of a sudden, it was making sense. Cenred was right, if it wasn't for the poison Camelot would have fallen on that day, she had almost destroyed Camelot and she didn't even know about it. It explained why Morgause had never told her what really happened on that day, because she was the one who cast a spell on Morgana. But Morgana had never asked, she had always assumed that Merlin was the one in the wrong, but in the end he was in the right. He had made the toughest decision of his life, and had to suffer the consequences of doing the right thing, he had regretted what he had done from then on.

Yet he wasn't the one to blame.

As Morgana sat there, staring into the distance as the truth sunk into her, she found herself doing something she had once thought she would never be able to do: she forgave him.

* * *

><p>A cast of deep oranges and purples scarred the sky as the sun set on another day in Camelot. Morgana stood on the north tower – the highest point in the castle – watching the spectacular view that lay before her. The rolling hills had been tainted gold as the sun continued to sink behind them, but the evening was still warm.<p>

It had been three days since Morgana had stumbled back into Camelot. She had spent most of that time in Gaius' chambers, spending time with Merlin, receiving occasional visits from Gwen and recovering her strength. However Morgana knew while she slowly learnt how to relax and be with the ones she loved once more, she was hiding away from the truth that she had abandoned her sister, and would have to face Uther again. She feared both those figures now, but she knew she had done the right thing.

Morgana's view of Uther, however, took a sudden turn when she asked on the second day if she could see Arthur.

"Don't tell him I said this, but I miss him," she grinned. She was getting used to smiling and laughing again now, and Merlin was the best person to learn from.

"Well I'm afraid you can't do that at the moment Morgana," Gaius said, busying himself with some sort of scientific equipment.

Morgana immediately became concerned. "Why not?"

"He's with a search party Uther sent out a few days ago," Merlin explained, "looking for you."

Morgana's eyes widened. Uther had been looking for_ her_? The girl that had insulted him, the girl who had hated him, the girl who had come so close to destroying his Kingdom. He was looking for her?

At first, Morgana panicked. "He's hunting me down to punish me," she said.

Merlin and Gaius were shocked by the assumption. "No! He wants to make sure that you're safe. He's desperate to have you with him once more Morgana, he misses you more than you would know."

And they were right, for that very day Arthur had returned, and Morgana had decided to face the two of them.

She pretended that she had been on the run from her captures for several weeks, lost in dark lands and forests, when she finally found a road that lead her back to Camelot, and the first thing she did was went straight to her King.

The reaction that Morgana got from Uther almost knocked her over. He took one sight of her and his stern expression melted away as he broke down with tears of joy. Still sobbing, he drew her into a tight hug and said how sorry he was that he had let her go, how he would never do such a think again. Amazingly, Morgana found that she was crying too, for Uther was like a father to her, and although at many times she saw him as a bad father and hate engulfed her mind, she still loved him like a father.

But that didn't mean that Morgana's views had been completely changed. Uther still hated magic, so Uther was still her enemy, even though she cared for him.

Arthur managed to keep control of his emotions a little better, but she could tell that he was pleased to have her back too. Morgana was also glad to see Arthur again, and it wouldn't take long before their usual banter to return.

Morgana felt like had been reunited with her family.

The thought that she was so close to destroying all their lives, still broke her heart.

Quiet footsteps from behind Morgana brought her out of her memories, and she turned to see Merlin standing beside her, watching the sunset.

The two were silent for a moment, before Merlin spoke.

"I'm glad I found you up here, I've spent the last hour searching the castle for you," he laughed, but his tone was worried. "For a moment I thought the meeting with Uther had made you change your mind and you went back to find your sister."

Morgana smiled. "No, I won't go back to her." She looked up at Merlin; "I know what I would lose if I did."

Merlin smiled back at her, but he sighed. "So many things should have been different. I should have told you about my magic, then you never would have felt so alone. I should have told you that I loved you before I lost you. I shouldn't have…" Merlin suddenly found himself blinking back tears. It was harder than he thought to admit to Morgana how he really felt, and now he couldn't even say the words 'I shouldn't have poisoned you.'

But Morgana knew what he meant, and she took his hand with hers. "I know that you did it for Camelot Merlin. You did something I would never be able to do, and I shouldn't hate you for that. I forgive you."

Merlin's eyes grew wide with surprise, he never thought such an act could ever be forgiven for, but Morgana understood him. She was the only person in the world who could.

There was a short silence.

"You know, you shouldn't blame yourself for all the things that have happened," Merlin said, "I can see you ask yourself again and again 'what have I done?' and you shouldn't. The past is past, you've forgiven me, you should forgive yourself."

It was Morgana's turn to look surprised, but then her smile returned, just a little smaller than before. "One day Merlin, one day maybe I will be able to forgive myself. My fight should have always been for Camelot, not against it, and now I'm going to change that."

Merlin didn't want to ask the question that had been lingering in his mind, but he felt he had to, he needed to know the answer, even if Morgana promised to fight for Camelot, not against. "What about Uther and your magic?"

Immediately Morgana's soft features hardened, her jaw clenching, her eyes narrowing, but she took a deep breath. "Uther would be a just King if it wasn't for his hatred of magic, I'm sure of it. But using magic to destroy him would only prove his point that magic cannot be used for good, and when I look at you I am certain that it can be. Perhaps sometimes the best thing to do is to wait. In the future we won't have to hide our magic, we will be free, but you've got to give it time. I've changed my mind; I don't want to fall so low as to kill to get what I want, like my sister thinks should be done. Moving things forward too quickly will solve nothing." Morgana looked back up into Merlin's eyes. "While you're here beside me, I can wait."

Merlin gave a broad smile, a smile he hadn't used since Morgana had disappeared. A smile preserved just for Morgana, because for the first time in months he did not fear the future.

At first, Morgana was shocked, she hadn't expected this from this shy manservant, but he was full of surprises. She started kissed him back and wrapped her arms around him.

Suddenly all the terrible past that happened between them melted away to be replaced by sweet bliss. No fear, no worries, no doubt. Just him and her, sharing their first kiss. No twisted King or vengeful witch will ever pull them apart again.

Neither was sure how long they kissed, time had disappeared when their lips touched, but then Merlin drew away, and they both gave a shy smile as if they were children again, knowing that such a thing was forbidden, but they no longer cared.

The couple stood together on the tower, their hands still entwined in the dim light, while they watched the rest of the sun set. In a few hours time the sun would rise once more, and a new day would dawn.


End file.
